Loving or Selfish?

With sadness and regret, I remember back to the days when I would hoard baked goods or sweets for myself. After baking a batch of cookies, I’d devour far too many, and limit my kids to one or two each; mostly because I wanted more for myself, but under the guise of being a good Mom and making sure my kids didn’t eat to many sweets. A box of Honey Buns were reserved for me, alone…all six of them! And many more sweet treats can be added to the list, far more than this article need contain. I was, in a word, selfish. But I didn’t see it that way, I saw it in the light of being older, I deserved more. I was the mom, after all! Who would dare suggest that my desire to keep more for myself and limit my children was bad? My kids didn’t need all the sweet treats, really. Duh…neither did I! This past year I have taken myself on a journey. Limiting my sweets, as well as those for my family, so that I could find what healthy was for me. I have refrained from baking sweet treats of any sort for about six months to prevent the temptation. I knew I could not resist once they were in my house. One day my daughter asked if we could make cookies again. Then it hit me that I had been depriving my family of any homemade treats because I was afraid to force myself to be under control. I didn’t trust myself! But for the love of my family, I knew I needed to find a way to return to baking homemade treats for them, or they would be forced to find treats elsewhere that were much less healthy (a topic for another article). I began slowly, with things I liked - banana bread. Sadly, it was not a favorite of my kids, so too much was left for me as a temptation. I gave some of it away for others to enjoy. Then I made oatmeal raisin cookies, you know, to be healthier. Again, not a favorite with my kids, but it was getting closer. There were not so many cookies to tempt me, but more than I needed. These also were shared for others to enjoy. Today, I made chocolate chip cookies – just a small batch of a 16 so we don’t’ have too many on hand as temptation. I ate three (and about a tablespoonful of the dough), and I can honestly say, I’m satisfied to not have another; I’m actually a little overloaded with the sugar. My body doesn’t need the sweets to fill a void. I have been planning my daily meals to make sure my body is properly nourished, but allowing occasional treats will help me from binging and crashing back into my old ways. When my kids come home from school today, there will be a treat for them. They can enjoy a couple and save some for after dinner tonight. But I won’t be limiting them because I want more, or feel entitled to more. If I get another after dinner, I get one. If not, then I probably didn’t need another one anyway. I am determined to control my desires, listen to the cues of my metabolism, and not eat treats until it is they gone. I’m nowhere near the end of my journey! After all, I had some cookie dough and three cookies today. I probably should have stopped at two cookies and left the dough for more cookies to be made another time! But I’m a work in progress – forward progress. I know God is faithful to give me a way of escape when I’m tempted to overeat on any foods. Are you struggling with your diet? Do you need help staying accountable to your menu guidelines to reach a goal? You are not alone! Find help and support here. Message me for more accountability and support.